


Finding Bigfoot: Roseengaged Edition

by doomedtimelines



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anachronistic, Cryptid Hunting, Established Relationship, F/F, Filming, Paranormal, Supernatural Elements, Video Cameras
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:10:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22888195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doomedtimelines/pseuds/doomedtimelines
Summary: Rose and Kanaya try to find Bigfoot for the first episode of their web series.Hopefully, something else doesn’t find them first.
Relationships: Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	Finding Bigfoot: Roseengaged Edition

The woman is silhouetted by the post-sunset sky, a scarf thrown over her head fluttering in a faint breeze. Her shoulders are squared, as if in the face of some great adversity.

“So,” says the woman behind the camera. “Are you ready, my darling?”

“I have been ready for the past nineteen minutes,” the other returns. “It was you that did not set the camera on the drive here, Rose.”

“I had to absorb the scenery,” Rose retorts from behind the camera. “How do you expect me to successful catch a primate when I have not fully integrated my consciousness into its?”

The woman in front turns—her eyes catch the dying light, glint strangely. “And what is the consciousness of said primate like?”

“I am left with a longing to return to a simpler life—one where I pick berries off the leaves and do not know what a trapezoid is,” Rose promises. “Shall we begin?”

The woman sighs, straightens her scarf. “I suppose one cannot start off a cryptid-hunting web series without starting off with perhaps the most iconic of all.”

“Sasquatch,” Rose agrees. “Yes, the hairy person supposedly living in the woods.”

“Now, love, don’t be like that. The staples of cryptozoology are what they are.”

“We wouldn’t want to not appeal the masses, would we,” the filmed deadpans. The wind picks up.

* * *

They are now filming in night vision. The two women are in the woods, the woman from before plodding ahead with the determination usually reserved for generals in the army. A set of footsteps crunch through the brush.

“My brother would attempt homicide if we so much as scratch his precious camera,” Rose is saying as they journey deeper into the forest.

“He would not survive the encounter,” the other woman points out.

“ _Attempt _ , darling Kanaya.”

The woman—Kanaya—glances over her shoulder, briefly. “Then for your brother’s sake, we must strive to preserve this so-called precious camera.”

* * *

_The video flickers into blackness. In the distance, leaves crunch._

* * *

The video returns. The camera rests on Rose’s lap, tilted upwards so her face is seen from below. Crickets chirp.

“Kanaya,” Rose says, quietly.

“Rose,” Kanaya says at a normal volume.

“Will you allow a moment of directness? Of, I daresay, honesty? Or even—horror of all horrors—vulnerability?”

The pause is thick.

“Of course.”

“Are you okay?”

The words fall like an axe. They fall like a child under the ice. They fall like a coin, flipping in the air, both parties hoping it will never show one side or the other.

“Of course I am okay. By ‘okay’ meaning ‘emotionally stable’ and ‘physically well’. And ‘stable’ meaning ‘not deteriorating and not prone to rapid swings between extremes of emotions’ and ‘well’ meaning ‘healthy and unwounded’.” The words come out in a rush, a far cry from the unflappable lady from before.

“Kanaya, that entire rigmarole is proof that you are not okay. I am asking you, not as a Lalonde, but as your fiancée who loves you and wants you to tell her when something is bothering you.” Her voice rises in distress. “You were attacked, you were in hospital, and you haven’t been—“

“Rose. Be quiet.”

“Kanaya, you are  not —“

“Rose,” she repeats. The camera turns to Kanaya. She sits next to Rose on the log. Her arm is extended, pointing to something outside of the camera frame.

The camera turns.

* * *

The back of a dark head. Kanaya walks through the woods like she’s walked this path a thousand times before.

“Where?” she asks.

“We’re close,” Kanaya promises.

* * *

The frame is black.

“I am detecting some of your sarcasm.”

“Me? Sarcastic? Never. How dare you. Perish the though. I am shocked. Scandalized. Scandalized at the very mention of sarcasm, I tell you!”

“Scandalized?”

“Yes, the most ized of scandals.”

“Then I will refrain from ever thinking about sarcasm when in your presence and take everything you say at face value.”

“As you should. So as I was saying, I absolutely adore cleaning my room. It is my favorite past time.”

“It is?”

“Yes. My most favorite thing in the world is to fold clothes and make my bed. It’s what I look forward in the morning the most.”

“Even seeing your darling future wife?”

“Well, second to that, of course.”

* * *

Rose crouches on the leaf-covered ground. She is being filmed from above. The camera pans to the corpse of—something. Something large.

It zooms in on two dark cuts, ripped through hide.

The camera returns to Rose. Her eyes are round with wonder. She opens her mouth.

* * *

The camera swings wildly back and forth. The trees blot out the sky here and reach out with greedy branches.

“Kanaya!?  _ Kanaya _ ? Where you!  _ Kana _ —“

* * *

The camera is on the ground. A shape—large and dark—emerges from behind a tree. It picks up the camera. A dark eye, surrounded by a ring of fur, comes into focus. There is the sound of snuffling, and the camera is put down. There is sound of something large receding, and then silence.

The film keeps running.

Something emerges from the trees.

It is wearing a skirt—recently torn. It picks up the camera, brings it up.

Kanaya’s face comes into focus. Something dark is spattered on her cheek. Her scarf is gone.

“Ah,” she says.  


* * *

“—oh, good. It still works.” Rose inspects the camera, a faint smile on her face

“I told you.” Kanaya says. “We wouldn’t want anything to happen to your brother, would we.”

* * *

They are in the car. The sun is rising, hazy and warm. The camera is pointed to Kanaya in the driver’s seat.

“So. I’m getting married to a  vampire, huh?”

“Yes,” Kanaya says. “I am sorry I did not tell you under better circumstances. ‘Better’ meaning not being hunted by an abnormally large snake.”

“All is forgiven,” Rose assures her. “Though it is a pity I dropped the camera in my flight. I’m sure we would’ve got some fascinating footage.”

Kanaya smiles. “I am sure it will make a wonderful first episode for our web series.”

**Author's Note:**

> idk i should’ve planned this out more


End file.
